I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
