My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
