Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
