there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
