Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i drank out of a bidet.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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