I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
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