Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
