ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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