go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
