Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
