I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
