I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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