The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
