Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
