woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
