I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
