Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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