he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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