Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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