All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
