I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
