You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
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She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
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I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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