Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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