I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
