I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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