I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
