I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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