i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
