Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
