what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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