i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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