Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
