Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
