quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
