One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We're too hungover to prance.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
