I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize