Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
