I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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