I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
