Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Randomize
