He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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