theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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