weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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