she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
