Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
