I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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