So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
