Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
