i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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