I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
