I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
