No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
