I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
