Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
