I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
