I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Fuck appropriateness.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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