is your mom at the bar?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
