so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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