TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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