One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
