and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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