Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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