Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
