I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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