So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We had to coat check the pizza.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
