So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
