I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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