Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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