do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
