My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
