I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
