Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
