I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just gift wrapped bread.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
