Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
