if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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