i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
