my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
