the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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