uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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