I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize