Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You are the jesus of drinking
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize