i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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