Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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